In the previous article, we discussed the pros and cons of perfectionism tendencies in youth athletes. There is no doubt that having a strong work ethic, is highly committed to achieving their goals, and striving to do better are positives. However, whilst perfectionists may excel in training where attention to detail and the analysis of mistakes as soon as they are made may be assets, in performance environments and competitive situations, a perfectionist mindset may not lead to success. During competition, we need to allow our subconscious mind to take over and produce the skills it has been trained to do. Constantly analysing the micro-detail of a shot or play activates the conscious mind which may impede flow and lead to more mistakes.
A vicious cycle may emerge, where the mistakes lead to working even harder, setting even higher expectations of themselves. The irony is that the more afraid they are to make mistakes, and the more they avoid situations where they might fail, the harder it is to reach their ever increasingly challenging goals resulting in deeper feelings of failure and loss of self-esteem. These athletes will never reach their true potential.
Understanding the child in front of you and their belief about perfectionism is critical to successful therapy interventions. Setting them tasks that overwhelm them may lead to noncompliance and loss of confidence so take the time to explore how they view success and failure whilst developing treatment plans.
We are born to fail
In those athletes who focus on the negative when making mistakes, we need to support them to develop a mindset where they are not afraid to step outside their comfort zone and embrace mistakes as a necessary tool for learning. Reminding them that they were born to make mistakes can be helpful. Nobody views a baby as a failure when they are learning to walk, fall over repeatedly, and pick themselves up, repeating it again and again until they master it. In Part 1 we explored why that attitude might change.
Train it until we trust it
Helping children build confidence by reaching for new skills just outside their comfort zone is key. Teaching them that just like muscles, brains only develop when challenged by increasingly difficult tasks. Explaining that the body learns fastest when we make a mistake and correct it by creating another layer of myelin around the nerve. Initially, the new skills are jerky and require additional effort, but as the links between the circuits in the brain become used more frequently, the more padding we dedicate to insulating them creating smoother, faster skills. Once these skills become subconscious, they can rely on them under competitive environments. Correcting mistakes is the essential ingredient in building new skills.
Treat yourself as you would others
We don’t judge others when they make a mistake, so we should not expect it from ourselves. Discuss with them their beliefs and self-talk. When they make a mistake ask them what they would say to a teammate who made the same mistake and reflect on what they say to themselves. Try to help them see themselves or performance through someone else’s eyes – “What do you think your teammates would say about how you did today?”
Help them realise that their brain is listening every time they tell themselves they are rubbish and eventually their brain might start to believe it and lose confidence.
How to develop more positive self-talk
- Stay focussed on the now not the future or past
- Train your brain to be more optimistic not pessimistic
- See problems as learning opportunities
- Focus on the process, not the results
- Avoid comparing yourself to others
- Remind yourself of past successes.
Reframe the self-talk
Highlight expressions they use when beating themselves up. Show them how to re-frame it to a more positive statement.
“I lost today, I was so bad”
“I didn’t play my best today, but I am pleased with the way I stuck to the plan and tried right to the end”
or when beaten by someone better on the day
“I lost today but XX played better than me and deserved to win”
Become glass half full, not half empty
Pessimists and optimists encounter the same number of bad events. Optimists just deal with the setbacks better. Champions experience bad luck just as often as others, they just don’t let it spiral them into a negative cycle and let it impact their performance. They stay in the moment and move to the next point or play.
Set realistic goals focusing on process and mastery, not results
Break big goals down into smaller goals that are tough but achievable. Make sure they are based on process goals or mastery goals that seek to improve ability, not on outcome-based results-focussed goals that they cannot control. When chatting about a game or match, emphasise an aspect of their process that went well, not whether they scored or whether they won. Take care not to only celebrate the wins as this may give a message that winning is the only way to achieve praise.
Redefine success
Success is not about winning or losing. You can succeed by sticking to a game plan, pulling off a new technique for the first time, hitting ore 1st serves in and many other “wins”. Help children look for the “wins” in each performance and show them that they can win when playing badly and relying on grit and determination over perfect performances.
Teach them to accept they will lose more than they win
Children are growing and maturing at different rates. As such, talent alone does not secure success as sometimes sheer height, weight, or power advantages can be a factor. When children are going through growth spurts, their performances can fluctuate week on week and lead to endless frustration. Coaches and parents should avoid comparing their athlete’s performance to that of another child. Show them how it is not helpful for them to compare themselves to others too.
Focus with them on the long-term picture. Developing great movement literacy, strength and technical and tactical abilities will be more important in the long run than winning as a youngster.
Prepare for setbacks
Kids should be allowed to be sad and show emotions when things go wrong. If they don’t care when things go wrong, they probably didn’t want the outcome enough. Detours should be expected and planned for. Remind yourself of what the goal was and bounce back.
It is helpful to plan for setbacks and use your PAL
P Prepare for setbacks
A Accept it! You will lose more than you win! Use the emotion to drive you on
L Learn from it
“I can’t decide”!
Decision-making can be hard for perfectionists as they fear making a bad choice. Encourage them to gather the facts available at that time and make the best decision with the facts available at that moment. If in time, it was the wrong choice it was still right the best choice at the time they made it.
Excellence over perfection
Help your athlete to understand there is no such thing as perfect. Perfectionism limits potential therefore strive to be excellent, not perfect. Focus on work ethic and effort. Effort is a thing under their control whilst results are not. You can’t control whether you win or score, but you take pride in your attitude and work rate. However, remember from Part 1 that “Try your best” is not suitable for every session and every day.
Youth sports is about mistakes, learning from them, and pursuing excellence. Perfectionism may stop them from enjoying the process of getting better and will certainly take away the fun. Think of a performance as a recipe. Each time we make the recipe we seek to improve it by making small changes, testing it, and deciding if it was better or not. Teach them to love mistakes and look for the learning opportunity
Remind them why they play – if it is no longer fun then rethink the game plan.
